So we got back from Cleveland Sunday, had an awesome trip. The weather was fantastic, and everything worked out perfectly – got to do everything we had planned, with almost no issues at all. Everything just fell into place. We ended up moving to a suite at the hotel after the second night, and it was perfect. And we had so much fun with the kids – they behaved so well. I just can’t say enough about how perfectly everything worked out. Even though I was hesitant about going, and still don’t think it’s something that should be encouraged – going on an out of state vacay during a pandemic – I am so glad we went, and it was wonderful to spend time with the little stinkers again.
I realized something while we were out of town – I am starting to lose steam again as far as the website, tarot readings, bracelet sales thing goes. I’m even losing some interest in Facebook. I’m not really bummed our or anything – just feeling a complete lack of inspiration. Who knows – maybe it’s just a side effect of being on vacation, and I will get inspired again. But for now, I’m just kind of “meh” about everything. I am looking forward to making a new pendant from a piece of spirit quartz I ordered just before we left for vacay. And it was neat what happened when I put it on my altar. I had set it down, and was picking up my Templar coin to move it, when I dropped it. It hit the top of the dresser, rolled, hit the spirit quartz, and came to rest just under the point of it – no kidding. It was one of those cool, synchronistic events that communicated some really cool meaning on a higher level. So yeah, I’m excited to wear it.
Continuing with the “losing steam” theme, I was thinking last night that I am going to do the “Office Space” thing regarding the website. blogging, posting on FB, Tarot – all of that stuff really. I am just going to kick back and not really do anything. I will continue to pray, meditate, read, tend my altar, etc. But I am going to quit trying so hard on that other stuff, and just let things happen. I was just thinking about that Mother Theresa prayer, and how it might apply to spirituality and spiritual practices just as well as the other stuff – it’s not really between me and anyone else anyway – it’s between me and my Higher Power. I’ve spent so much time over my lifetime trying to interest or inspire or gather others, trying to find a way to make a living as a “mystic,” and it has always seemed like 99.7% of people just weren’t really that interested honestly. I though perhaps I could sell bracelets as a way of doing something a little more mundane, and “sneak in” some Spiritual truth, and that may still happen. But the fact is, maybe that stuff is just for me, my Spirit, and my HP. Maybe I need to be a little more self-directed, focus on making spiritual progress myself, and forget about it in regards to other people for a while.
I have been reading Karl Jung’s quasi autobiography, and I think that is inspiring me to view it that way as well. He came to a similar conclusion over the course of his lifetime from what he says, that most people just aren’t interested in the truly deeper questions, and he fashioned himself a bit of a loner. I like to think of myself as a friendly person, but ultimately, I am a loner of sorts too, because there are very few people that share my passion and desire for spiritual/psychic/metaphysical development. And contrary to what I might have thought when I got sober, it wasn’t just the drugs that made me that way. I do think they may have enhanced some aspects of it, and probably led to some experiences that might not have happened without me and those who were around me for them being under the influence. But I read this cool scientific paper on the way back from Cleveland about Magic (one of those Academia things) and so much of it resonated with me. One of the things it talked about was how the shamans believed that everyone who was present had to be a true believer, or else the magic would not work. If even one person had doubt, they would refuse to do anything.
And I think that’s why those things happened when I was using: I and the people around me, we were high, so our doubts were suspended a bit, the logical mind was taking a back seat to the subconscious mind, just enough so the magic could manifest. And maybe I can work on myself, on ridding myself of any doubt at all, and finding practices that will fulfill those yearnings and desires I have for magic and miracles to manifest. Perhaps that is what all of this is about – working from home, I am insulated from the thoughts, doubts, energies of other people, and can create the atmosphere, the aura necessary. Now, I just have to find some practices I can do that I don’t think are “corny.” That seems to be the obstacle right now. Whenever I study such “magical practices,” they always seem a bit silly to me – I am very skeptical. I think I will put some thought energy out there, set an intention to discover practices that fit me well so I can start moving further along the path.