You call it “coincidence” – I call it “coin-incidence”

I swear, I have to do a video for those who don’t, and will probably never read this blog – so I can let everyone know what I mean by that. But in short, a “coin-incidence” is a coincidence that is much more than just that – most often, something directly related to my spiritual path. And today, I had just such an experience.

When my wife and I went to Sedona a few weeks back (posted selfie on Twitter, I think it was the most “likes” I’ve ever received lol) I bought a few crystals. I bought an azeztulite for me, which I planned on setting and wearing, had been wanting one. I also bought one for my daughter – an aqua aura quartz, because I thought it was pretty, and I liked what it said about the properties, thought it would be nice for her.

I thought they were really pretty, so I also picked one up for myself, figured maybe I would wear it sometime, or maybe set it and give it to someone else.

So yesterday, I finally got around to setting all of them, and they turned out pretty nicely.

This morning, I put the azeztulite (the one in the middle) on.

A little while later, a friend IM’d me saying she was feeling some anxiety, depression – feeling overwhelmed with everything that’s going on in the world. I told her I got it, and sent her this message:

After sending this, I noticed a little while later that I wasn’t really resonating with the azeztulite. I wore it for a few hours, but for some reason, it just didn’t “feel” right. So I took it off, and put the aqua aura quartz I had made for myself on. I really liked the feel of it, and kept it on – have it on now.

I started looking around on the web a bit to see what more I could find out about them. The card at the shop I bought them at said they are good for calming emotions, soothing anger, and attracting peace and prosperity – all stuff I thought would be great for my daughter. Well, I did a little looking, and wanna take a guess about what I found out about that stone?

Go back up and look at the tweet I sent earlier, the words in quotes.

Then look at the first line on this:


Or maybe this:

“Aqua Aura safeguards against psychic attack, energy drain and spiritual vampirism, and provides profound peace during meditation, opening gateways to the angelic realm. “


Now I get it, someone could read this and say, “Dude, it’s just a coincidence. Those crystals all say they are for a bunch of stuff, something was bound to match.” Ok, true.

But I can say now that I can’t remember the last time (?) I used the term “psychic attack,” and in fact, as I said, it’s not something I really put a lot of thought into. So there’s that.

And of course, there’s the timing – that I just happened to say that phrase that I don’t know that I’ve said ever in the last (?) years. And the fact that I had no intention of wearing that aqua aura quartz originally – I wanted the azeztulite. And I had no idea that it was for the “psychic attack” stuff.

So, for me, on my path, this is a perfect example of a true “coin-incidence.” This is not just mere coincidence – no sirree, not to me. No, this is more. And it’s deeply meaningful, as well as reassuring, and just freakin’ cool! I mean, it’s just a bit unreal, isn’t it? But it isn’t – it really happened. And I LOVE that!

It’s somewhat interesting this happened on the day Anjali had her presser too. She got savaged by a lot of people, and in all honestly, I was a bit disappointed, and didn’t think it was the best presentation for her. That being said, I really like her a lot, find her sweet, authentic, and I love her message. And I know what it’s like (ahem…) to have something happen that a lot of people just wouldn’t believe unless it had happened to them.

I can’t speak for what happened to her, as I wasn’t there. And I hope that in time, more will be revealed in that situation. But I know what happened to me today, and while it might just seem like a silly little thing to some people, this is IT for me – this is the stuff I live for – those moments when I KNOW I am on the Path, because the Path reaches into my life, my conscious awareness and experience, and says “We see you! You’re on the Path! Keep going! We’re right there with you!”

To that, I say “Thank you God/Spirit/Universe/Source/Creator/One!!!”

Now, on YouTube!

That’s right – if this blog posts aren’t boring and confusing enough, I’m on YouTube now to further confound you! Lol.

Gotta’ be honest, I was pretty nervous, and although pretty happy with the first vid, know I have a lot of room for improvement. My favorite part was the little “Ding!” when I gave a shout out to this site – oh man, that cracked me up. So I want to try to loosen up a bit and inject more humor. We are in some pretty heavy times, for sure. But if there is one thing I KNOW, it’s that God/Spirit/Universe/Source has a sense of humor. So look for more of that.

And I will probably try to keep them a bit shorter, if I can. It’s just tough, because there is SO much, everything truly is connected. That’s why I’ve not yet been able to get a book together – just too much.

So we’ll see how this goes. People have been telling me since I was young that I should have been a comedian – perhaps that was their nice way of saying, “You’ve got a face made for comedy” lol.

Not sure if I will keep posting here too or not, but guessing I will, especially when I don’t have the time or the conditions aren’t right to make a video. It will be nice to have an additional outlet. Maybe I can figure out the perfect mix – a little blog, a dash of Twitter, maybe just a HINT of Facebook – throw some YouTube on that thang and let it rip! Modern prophet gotta’ prophesy somehow, am I right?

The Coming of the Light – Part III

I’ve been stuck on twitter today, going back and forth between reading posts about the pandemic and the IPCC climate change report – neither of which bode well for humanity. Denial of science has become a platform for a certain party in this country and is having devastating effects – ones that will impact the whole world. In the midst of that hopelessness, grief and frustration, I thought it would be the perfect time to talk about something that can provide real hope – a real light to shine through the darkness. And for me, that comes in the form of part III of my post on, what else, the coming of the light! Appropriate, doncha’ think? Lol.

In the first post, I talked about the times we are currently in, and the “superpower” I would pick if I could choose one. In part II, talked a little about the scientific possibility that DNA could be altered spontaneously, that mutations could arise suddenly – science allowed for that. And for me or anyone to have any hope of actually becoming a photosynthetic being, that would need to be possible – we would need to be able to alter our DNA to enact such changes. This post, I am going to talk about how that might happen, by what mechanism(s) our DNA could be altered. Turns out, there are more than one. And if you think about the symbolism of the various methods, a lot of teachings from mysticism come – ahem – to light (I can’t help it, ok?).

Before I get going on this, I need to point something out. When I was a kid, I used to play an RPG called “Gamma World.” And for the true nerds out there, of COURSE I played D&D too! I played all kinds of RPGs. But I digress – back to the point. The premise of Gamma World is (from Wikipedia):

“Gamma World is a chaotic, dangerous environment that little resembles pre-apocalyptic Earth. The weapons unleashed during the final war were strong enough to alter coastlines, level cities, and leave large areas of land lethally radioactive. These future weapons bathed the surviving life of Earth in unspecified forms of radiation and biochemical agents, producing widespread, permanent mutations among humans, animals, and plants. As a result, fantastic mutations such as extra limbs, super strength, and psychic powers are relatively common.”

What does that have to do with my point? Today, when one reads any kind of scientific literature or article, mutations are ALWAYS described as harmful, destructive, or deadly. And, most often, that probably is the case. However, that doesn’t mean it always is the case. In Gamma World it wasn’t. And indeed, one would have to think that just by chance, there would have to be mutations that incurred some kind of advantages sometimes too. Just look at the coronavirus – the Delta variant has mutations that have been positive for it, causing it to be much more transmissible; no reason to think a comparable positive mutation couldn’t happen in a human. So keep that in mind when I reference some of these articles, and the mutation is always referred to in a negative light.

Oh, and one more thing – I am not a nuclear scientist, biologist, etc, so I’m sure I am going to make some leaps, assertions and assumptions that might not hold up to strict scientific scrutiny. But chances are, if you’re reading this, you know that already. That being said, I’m not completely ignorant of science either, and am not the dimmest bulb on the porch necessarily lol. I definitely won’t be defending or arguing any of these points thought. It’s my beliefs, thoughts, intuitions, conclusions, and I could be full of it – or not. Time will tell.

One of the ways mutations can happen, and this one is REALLY cool, is via the mind, mediation to be more exact. I’m not going to go too deep into this, the point being mainly to provide some evidence from a credible source that our minds CAN impact our DNA.

“Lead investigator Dr. Linda E. Carlson and her colleagues found that in breast cancer patients, support group involvement and mindfulness meditation – an adapted form of Buddhist meditation in which practitioners focus on present thoughts and actions in a non-judgmental way, ignoring past grudges and future concerns — are associated with preserved telomere length. Telomeres are stretches of DNA that cap our chromosomes and help prevent chromosomal deterioration — biology professors often liken them to the plastic tips on shoelaces. Shortened telomeres aren’t known to cause a specific disease per se, but they do whither with age and are shorter in people with cancer, diabetes, heart disease and high stress levels. We want our telomeres intact.”


And then there’s this:

“Eric Kandel, the winner of the 2000 Nobel Prize for Medicine also showed, contrary to what had long been believed, that even our genes can change. Not only can our brains change, we can also change the genes we inherited or the personal characteristics we’ve created in those genes and consequently lessen, or eliminate totally, our beliefs about genetic predisposition.

Kandel’s research proved that our thinking, behavior and the way we stimulate our brain can actually influence the aspect of the gene that causes it to turn on or off certain proteins, proteins that influence our level of awareness, what we believe is possible, our emotional reactions and how much motivation, creativity and happiness we have.”


I don’t know about you, but what I get out of those is that it is possible, there is valid scientific reason to believe that thought, behavior, mediation CAN change DNA. Now the question is, just how much can it be changed? What are the limits? Are there any? And what is possible if someone truly BELIEVES it can be changed and engages in a course of thought and action in an attempt to make some changes – what might be possible?

Of course, our minds aren’t the only thing that can cause mutations. There is always good old radiation, just like in Gamma World. In that scenario, the radiation is primarily from nuclear attacks – fallout and such. But there is another giant source of radiation that we are all exposed to every single day – the sun. And again, current knowledge says that all solar radiation is bad for us. Lord knows, I am acutely aware of that. My family knows me as the “sunscreen king” lol. I have extremely pale skin, and after some extremely painful sunburns when I was young, I decided I would not let that happen again.

That being said, the greater point is that solar radiation causes mutations.

“UVB light interferes directly with the bonding between the nucleotides in the DNA. The two main DNA lesions formed by exposure to UVB are cyclobutane pyrimidine dimers (CPD) and 6-4 pyrimidine pyrimidone photoproducts (6-4PPs), and its Dewar isomers.”


“The mutations induced by radiation can also occur spontaneously. When humans are exposed to low doses of radiation, it is difficult to estimate what small increment of mutations is induced by radiation above that from spontaneous background radiation. However, radiation has been found to be mutagenic in all organisms studied so far, and there is no reason to suppose that humans are exempt from radiation’s mutagenic effects. “


So what’s the takeaway here? Well, here’s what I get:

  1. Spontaneous DNA mutations are possible, do happen.
  2. Mutations can actually be caused by meditation, thinking, behavior, etc.
  3. Mutations can also be caused by solar radiation.
  4. Science tells us, and most often it is true, that most mutations are negative, detrimental to an organism.
  5. Mutations can confer benefit to an organism, and do, as is evidenced currently by covid selecting positive mutations.

I, we, are creating a bedrock of belief upon which to build the future.

A number of posts on twitter lately have been asking what people know about the future, how they can know that there will be some “great awakening,” or that the aliens will come down to save us, or that the world will end, what it will be like. And I, like many people, get confused sometimes because there are SO many different moving parts, so many things going on at the same time, and so many different possible outcomes. I do know that our society is in a real pickle, between the rapid climate change the and pandemic. I also believe, based on prophecy, my intuition, and what others tell me, that there is something much deeper, more poignant going on on different levels of consciousness, of manifestation. So how is it all going to go?

I don’t know exactly, but in my next post, I am going to try tie this all up with a nice bow and hopefully provide something that might give you some comfort, some food for thought, some material for meditation, and maybe even spur something in you that you can bring to the conversation. Maybe a little seed will be planted in your consciousness that will unlock some keys we need to help get us to that next level. I know I am SO ready! Aren’t you? Until next time – blessings of Love, Light and Unity.

Ancient Prophecy about Patriotism

Ok, a little hyperbolic lol. This is the content of a post I created 12 years ago. I re-read it today, and was blown away by how timely it seems. Maybe I’m tooting my own horn too much, I do try to practice humility. But this really is good, and quite prescient too, IMHO.

Link to original post:

June 29, 2012

In the alternative news/conspiracy circles, we all know about the evil plans of The Illuminati, The Bilderbergers and all the other power brokers that make up The Cabal. We know all about their plans to institute a “New World Order” in which we will all be subjects in their totalitarian regime. We all know that we need to hold on to our individual liberties with all our might and be willing to fight and die for them if we have to, right? We CANNOT let them win – we must stand strong! I am guessing that if you agree with all or most of that, this next bit is probably going to bum you out, but guess what? They’ve already won.

“Nonsense!” you shout back as you look at your gun safe full of weapons, reading all of the conspiracy-busting sites on the web and taking pride in the fact that they will only take control over your dead body! But see, the thing is, it’s not your body they are worried about – never has been : it’s your mind. And in the realm of the greatest mind game ever played by the greatest minds never known, we the people of the planet earth have lost already – we have been completely duped, and we don’t even know it yet. I’m sure you want an explanation of what the holy hell I am talking about, and so I will do my best to give that.

First off, think for a minute about what “freedom” means to you… what does it mean to be completely free? Freedom to say what you want to say? Freedom to own and possess firearms? Freedom to worship as you wish? Freedom to own land and conduct commerce? Most people would probably agree with all of these and even add a few more. Here in the USA, we think we have a pretty good idea about what freedom is (I mean, we are the “land of the free”, right?) and we have already fought many times to defend that freedom.

Now, think a little further… do you consider yourself free now? Of course I know we could all say that our freedoms have been paired back due to the Patriot Act and other things, but in all reality, has any of that impacted YOUR freedom? Have YOU been rounded up by the FBI and taken away to be water boarded? (of course, if you have, this is probably not sitting well with you, but please bear with me – I think the underlying message will still get through). My guess is that 98% of the approximately 3 people that might end up reading this will answer “no” to that question, meaning that, for all intents and purposes, we are still free.

Going even further, what if none of us were really as free as we think we are? What if we were being manipulated at such a level – stay with me here – that even though we think we KNOW what they are doing to ‘control’ and manipulate us, that is actually part of the great manipulation itself? What if ‘they’ were the ones who were driving all these conspiracy theories to trick us into thinking that, if nothing at all happens – no mass roundups, no trains being loaded for the FEMA camps, no mass gun confiscations – we have “won”? Those who don’t follow any of this stuff wouldn’t care or notice one way or the other, and the fact that they haven’t taken notice or heed of any of this stuff at all is a testament to the fact that mentally and spiritually speaking, they are already ‘dead’. But for those of us who have struggled for wisdom and awareness and have vigilantly sought out the truth, what would it mean if nothing at all happened? At least nothing like we expect anyway…

At this point, you are probably wondering why I said they’ve won already, and I will tell you : they have won because over the last 6000 years or so, ‘they’ have instilled in our heads that violence and war are necessary for us to maintain our ‘freedom’; they have conditioned us to accept that we must defend what is ours against others who think differently; they have taught us that we must have money – whether it be shiny metal, clear stones, or pretty paper – to exchange for the things we need to survive; and in their greatest victory, they have taught us that it will NEVER be possible to truly have world peace – that it is the pipe dream of pussies and pansies, and that our “God” actually wants US to be the victors in this grand battlefield earth. That my friends, is the victory that they have accomplished.

Don’t believe me? Think about it : even while our young men fight and bleed on the fields of battle, do not our so-called ‘heads of state’ meet in air conditioned rooms to “talk” about how we can end the violence? Why aren’t they fist fighting and wrestling around or shooting each other? And don’t the captains of industry still trade with one another, even those from countries who are at war with each other, while those who are using their goods are killing each other en masse in the blood stained fields and streets? Have you ever wondered why it’s not like it used to be back in the days when kings rode out onto the battlefields themselves and fought with their troops? (ok, that’s been a LONG time ago, but still). I’ll tell you why – because they don’t need to anymore. THEY aren’t fighting anymore – they’ve already WON – all of them!

And their favorite weapon, the insidious secret that they sell to ALL of us, the thing we get SO worked up about, the thing that we all rush and die for in every country of the world, is patriotism – defined at as “devoted love, support, and defense of one’s country; national loyalty. ” Now I’m sure the very SUGGESTION that patriotism is a bad, or at least non-beneficial thing, really riles some people up, and at this moment some probably want to beat me senseless. But hear me out for a minute – please.

The problem is not with patriotism itself, but with what it represents, and that is DIVISION. It inspires the thought that we all live in separate countries that we should love and be willing to die for, without taking into account that we all live on the same planet, and indeed, in essence are all the same and want the same things : happiness, health, good lives for our children, purpose and meaning, usefulness, creative expression. Let’s face it – strip away all the religious dogma, the differences in language and cultural specifics, and all humans basically want for the same things. The real question is, if that is the case, why is that we cordon ourselves off from each other and believe we have to fight and die for beliefs?

If we look back through history, time and time and time again, amazing human beings have come along and tried to tell us that war is not the way, that violence is not the way. The Prophet Muhammad said “Shall I not inform you of a better act than fasting, alms, and prayers? Making peace between one another: enmity and malice tear up heavenly rewards by the roots.”  Jesus said “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” The Buddha said “All beings tremble before violence. All fear death. All love life. See yourself in others. Then whom can you hurt? What harm can you do?” And there are quotes from other teachers from other traditions that say the same thing, over and over and over. Many people try to ‘interpret’ what the great teachers said to justify their own means, but do these sayings really need interpreting?

It is clear to me that it is war/violence itself that is the tool ‘they’ use to control us. It is war/violence that is the true Antichrist. It is war/violence that is the Great Deceiver and that which will bring the end of the world as we know it. By keeping us all riled up and ready to go to war, not only against other nations, but even against ourselves and our own government, they have us right where they want us. Look at the world right now, and ask yourself – is violence really going solve the major issues that face us as a species? I submit that it will not – not at all. In fact, it will only add to our woes.

But it will do some things – things that will benefit ‘them’ : it will take all of our attention off of some REAL problems that could cause true misery for all of us, in every country; it will revive economies that are now faltering badly; it will ensure (hopefully) that the winners will have control of precious natural resources that are dwindling rapidly; it could help reduce the population of the world, ensuring that what resources are left will be enough for those that remain; and of course, it will keep us all hypnotized and blind to the fact that while we think we are being good Americans/Russians/Chinese/Syrians/Egyptians/Chileans/Germans etc by taking up our guns and showing our “patriotism” we are merely doing EXACTLY what they want us to do – bowing before the true Master of the Human race, the true Antichrist, the true ruler of the NWO, the Beast of Revelation, the bad guy of bad guys, and the enemy we have never been able to quite see for what it is : WAR/VIOLENCE.

The hippies back in the 60’s gave the idea of world peace a bad name because of their outlandish behavior and often times excessive substance abuse. People like John Lennon sang about it, but were seen as “peace loving radicals” who were against everything we hold dear. But if we look back through the teachings of the masters of old, we see that there is a peace – a new kind of peace not based on long hair and pot smoking, but based on a higher understanding of our global connectedness and the insanity that is war – that we as a conscious and mentally and spiritually evolved species could work towards on this planet. We could defeat them – the NWO, the Cabal, the money mongers, the Rothschilds, the Bilderbergers, the Illuminati, all of them – if we just put the guns down and quit killing each other. Think about that for a while.

If we all, as a species, could somehow find a way to shake ourselves awake and see just how insane and unnecessary war is; if we could make a conscious decision to stop buying into their bullshit and see that we have been duped for thousands of years; if we could read back over The Bible, The Koran, the Dhammapada, The Baghavad Gita, The Torah and see that in essence they all say the SAME things; if we could just let go of everything that’s happened in the past and start anew – then maybe, just maybe we could finally defeat them, for once and for all. But I can tell you this – as long as we think taking up our guns and fighting and killing is the way to maintain our freedom, we will NEVER be free. They know it now, they have always known it, and they will continue to feed us whatever we need to be fed to keep us rallying around our flag poles – all while the world is burning down around us, and they laugh as they all sit together – the American, the Russian, the Egyptian, the Chinese, the Christian, the Jew, the Muslim, the white man, the black man, the Arab – in air conditioned rooms, watching the next episode of “The World’s Dumbest Citizens – at War Again,” starring a cast of 6 billion – hoping that the show gets renewed for season 5,875.

The Coming of the Light (cont.)

Part II

I guess it’s rather obvious that the “superpower” I was referring to in my last post is photosynthesis. I came to this conclusion after pondering, seriously, for several years, what one power or ability I would wish for myself should I be given the opportunity. Of course I thought of all the usual suspects – the ability to fly, to heal myself or others, psychokinesis, super strength, etc. Eventually, I realized that none of these would really give me what I truly desired, which was a way to be independent of the economic system that we all rely on for our survival, and to be able to do so in way that was least impactful to the planet – to be able to live without the need to consume other living things, thereby contributing to resource depletion and climate change. And so, after countless hours pondering, I landed on photosynthesis – something most probably wouldn’t consider a superpower.

But just think about it – without the need to consume food, if we could literally sustain our physical bodies by absorbing sunlight, just how much would that change the world? No more hunger or famine; no reliance on an economic system for our very survival; no more raising animals for consumption, and all the related resource depletion that entails; and on and on. It would truly free us from dependence on money and the life-sucking system they have created to keep us all dependent upon them.

That’s all great and well, but not really worth much if it’s just a pipe dream. I mean, we all wish for superpowers. But what if it wasn’t just a pipe dream? What if it really was – is – possible? What exactly would it take?

For starters, it would take belief that it could actually happen. If I don’t believe it can happen, I won’t be willing to put any time and effort into making it so – why would I? So there has be some mechanism, some theoretical way that it COULD happen for me to believe it. I am, even though a mystic at heart, a pretty scientifically-minded person. So when it comes to subjects like this, I tend to seek out scientific information that might provide at least hints of a way in which something like photosynthesis in humans could actually become a reality. It’s fairly clear that what would need to happen would be some kind of genetic mutation that would alter our cells, at least those necessary, in such a manner that they could perform photosynthesis. But how could such a mutation happen? And even if it could, it would take at least a few generations, right? Turns out, that’s not necessarily the case.

From “Quantum Physics Can Cause Mutations in Our DNA, Study” :

“Scientists found that hydrogen bonds hold the two strands of the DNA‘s double helix together. Under certain circumstances, the hydrogen bonds can behave like spread-out waves that can exist in multiple locations at once, because of proton tunneling. This prompts these atoms to occasionally being found on the wrong strand of DNA, prompting mutations.”

From “Why Does DNA Spontaneously Mutate?” :

“In a recent study, published Jan. 29 in the journal Physical Chemistry Chemical Physics, researchers explore another explanation, showing that a quantum phenomenon called proton tunneling can cause point mutations by allowing positively charged protons in DNA to leap from place-to-place. This, in turn, can subtly change the hydrogen bridges that bind the two sides of DNA’s double helix, which can lead to errors when it’s time for DNA to make copies of itself.”

So it turns out, DNA can spontaneously mutate via quantum processes, and even more –

“Despite having a short lifetime, these mutations can survive the DNA replication mechanism inside cells.”

That means that changes can happen, then replicate in other cells.

This was my “AHAAAA…” moment. Here we have a valid, scientifically verified, physical mechanism whereby spontaneous mutations in DNA CAN happen, and even be replicate in other cells. So, theoretically speaking, it SHOULD be possible.

But what exactly does it take to cause those mutations? By what mechanism can they be initiated? That will be the subject of my next post.

The Coming of the Light

Part I

I have been pondering just how to write this post for a long, long time. And lately, I have fallen into the trap of trying to write stuff quickly, to get it out, so I can link to it on twitter, to gain more readers. As much as I try to avoid being consumed by the desire to be “liked”, to be popular, to have people read my stuff, it still gets me sometimes. One would think I would know after being on this path for over 30 years now that the great majority of people just aren’t as into this stuff as I, and it’s unrealistic and unhealthy to expect them to be. I need to let go of that desire – again, continually, each day. I need to continue working on that.

However, I also need to be careful not to swing too far the other way – to get pissed off, or hopeless, or apathetic, a kind of “screw you” attitude, and just stop writing altogether. Because that isn’t healthy either. And even if only one other person reads this and gets something out of it, well – that’s one person more than if not. And even if I am the only one who reads it while I am writing it, that’s ok too. Because as I write stuff, I work through it, and sometimes new insights or understandings flow out. It is a creative spiritual process that should be enjoyed for just what it is, without expectation of recognition or popularity. Of course, this is like the 1000th time I have said this to myself lol. But, having always dreamed of being a published writer, I need to be gentle on myself.

Way back when, back in 1993 or so, I had an idea come into my head about just how things were going to go when the time came. By “the time,” I mean the second coming, the apocalypse, the return of Quetzlcoatl, the blue star kachina, the moshiach, the star beings, the great enlightenment – whatever you want to call it. And as I have mentioned previously, I have been eagerly awaiting, and falsely predicting (lol, though not as much lately – I don’t think – hopefully – it’s a process, ok!) that the end was nigh. Now by the end, I didn’t mean the end of the world, the end of everything, or a rapture; no, I meant the end of this society as we know it; the end of the reign of capitalism, greed, ignorance, etc. That’s the end I’m talking about it. And any way you slice it, there was/is going to be some real tribulation involved.

For a long time, I thought there would be some big, singular, global event that was going to do it – a giant meteor, a worldwide earthquake, a devastating plague, a huge CME – something that would just wipe out most of civilization as we know it in a flash. But as I have grown older, while that is still always a possibility, I see that we are in the midst of that process now, it is just slower and more deliberate than I had thought it would be. Just look at the climate crisis – and it is a crisis now – unbelievably hot and dry conditions in some areas, 1000 years floods in others. Look at the covid pandemic – the virus keeps mutating, creating new variants, and seems to have a particular talent for positive selection. And then you have all the anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers ensuring that it continues to spread as a result of their ignorance and selfishness. These 2 things alone, if they continue to progress – actually, just the climate is going to do it eventually – will basically destroy modern civilization as we know it.

So it is coming, it is happening, right before our eyes. And it seems there is very little we can do to stop either. At least with covid, we can get vaccinated, mask up, avoid crowded places, etc and protect ourselves. But we can’t make other people make the right choices, so it will continue to spread, and it’s just a matter of time before a variant with a much higher mortality rate arises. As far as the climate goes – sorry to say, but we are hosed. That boat sailed a LONG time ago, and we are in for a very, very rough ride. It’s become clear over this last couple of years that it is changing much more rapidly, and more severely than any of the models, even of worst case scenarios, predicted. And if you watch some videos about climate refugees, water wars, etc – it’s some scary shit. It’s going to bring that dystopian future we all feared – it’s coming. And that can be very disturbing, frightening, and make one hopeless.

But I want to talk about that idea/insight/intuition I had, because I think it can give some people hope. I know it does me. I didn’t want to share about it publicly until I could be sure that it’s actually possible, scientifically speaking. Because while I am a mystic, I also believe strongly in science. And I know that my mind needs to know that something is possible, however far-fetched the science might seem, at least in theory. Because if it isn’t, or I can’t see how it could be, there will be that little voice of the scientist inside saying, “This is just a silly pipe dream – it’s simply not possible.” Now I do believe in miracles; I do believe there are things that happen that defy scientific explanation, and I completely accept that. In fact, I live for that. Life would be empty and meaningless to me if EVERYTHING had to be explained scientifically to be believed.

That being said – if we are talking about something that includes an aspect of changes to my mind, my body chemistry, my physical makeup – even if it is to be some miraculous event that I believe in my heart is going to happen, I know that for it to really come true, for it to have the impact I would desire, I need to at least be able to hypothesize how it might happen – what physical or energetic mechanisms might enable it. Because if I can do that, if I can visualize it, BELIEVE that it really is possible, then I am stamping my pass to the next level of mental, physical and spiritual evolution – and here’s why.

The idea I had was that a giant solar flare and/or CME would erupt from the sun, directed squarely at the earth. When it impacted the planet, it would have the effect of completely frying and obliterating our entire electricity based infrastructure, planet wide. There have been plenty of books, TV shows, etc about such a scenario, and it’s always a dystopian, post-apocalyptic scenario where billions of people die, and only those tough enough, with enough grit to make it, survive. It’s not a pleasant thing, for sure. And for a long time, I was ok with that aspect of it. I was young, healthy, fit – let it come, I thought. I welcomed it!

Another major reason I welcomed it is because I had a crazy intuition that that solar event would be the “second coming” in a way. I believed it would cause a spontaneous mutation in some people that would give them what amounts to some kind of superpowers, or at least heightened abilities, that would allow them to live more easily in the post-apocalyptic world. I wasn’t quite sure what those powers would be, but I was pretty set on the fact that it would happen, in that way, and that some of us would be ok. Of course part of that would be based on the spiritual aspect – those who were generally good, compassionate, caring people (or at least really tried or wanted to be) would experience positive mutations, the people who were just middle of the road would experience none, and the people who were genuinely cruel, arrogant, selfish, uncaring, un-compassionate, etc would receive mutations that might humble them a bit, shall we say. There is a lot more behind this – maybe when I win the lottery and get a chance to write my book… Lol.

As I have grown older, that intuition has always stayed with me, but I started to think more about the mutations. What kind of (realistic) mutation would actually make it easier to live in such a world? If I can’t think of one that’s somewhat realistic, or that would actually help, well, that’s not good for my theory. And how might such a mutation actually happen? Is it realistically possible? When I was young, I was more comfortable just floating it out there, but now I am older, a little more skeptical, and want to know – could something like that actually happen? So the last several years, I have paid attention to those questions, and am happy to say that I have received answers to them – answers that satisfy, disappoint (honestly, not the power I would have chosen) and surprise. And I am going to share them. You can make of it what you will. My theory could be a complete crock. But the articles I will cite, the science and physics I reference, are not. Theoretically speaking, it sounds like it really is possible. And now that I know that, I am setting out on a mission to meditate and visualize about it so that, if there is a major solar event in the future, I can try out my hypothesis.

But I am guessing that the thing you are most curious about at this point (I know it would be for me) is what that power is – what ability would allow one to sail through the apocalypse without worry or concern (relatively speaking – of course we would still be concerned for everyone suffering, etc). Any guesses? Here’s a hint:

Young Sprout Grow In Dirt With Sun

In my next post, I will go more into it, and get into some of the physics, etc. In the meantime, you can ponder these words, and check out the article they come from:

Imagine if we could do as the plants do, and feed directly off the sun’s energy. It would certainly make our lives easier: The countless hours spent purchasing, preparing, and eating food could be redirected elsewhere (and we wouldn’t even need Soylent). Over-exploited agricultural lands would revert to natural ecosystems. Rates of starvation, malnutrition, and food borne illness would plummet.

Prophet gonna’ prophesy : Covid-19 and the Return of the Divine Feminine

I posted something on twitter just a little while ago that I was feeling some pretty intense anxiety, and that I needed to do some prophesying. This isn’t the kind of anxiety that typically accompanies worrying or stress – it’s different. But the closest physical analogue I can come up with is anxiety. It’s like there is a pent up energy that wants, NEEDS, to get out, and so here we go!

And quick disclaimer – I don’t claim to know anything, could be totally full of crap, and put this out only because I feel compelled to do so. If you think this is all a crock after reading it, it honestly won’t hurt my feelings a bit. I’m not looking to be any kind of guru or anything like that, I’m just following my instincts.

That being said, I am going to start off with a list of bullet points to sum up what I am going to try to explain. This topic could, really should, take up a whole book. And indeed, I hope to one day write such a tome. I guess, in essence, if you took all of my blog posts, it would make a book of sorts. But I digress – and I really need to get this out. So I am going to try to stay focused on this topic.

And one more disclaimer – given the group of people I am blessed to communicate with on twitter, you may very well know most, or even all of this. And if that’s the case, apologies in advance for that. But hopefully the bullet list will prove that out, and you can save the time you would have spent to read something more informative. With that, here is said bullet list:

  • Mother Earth is a physical manifestation of the Divine Feminine Archetype – the Goddess.
  • Mother Earth/the Divine Feminine has been treated like shit for at least 2000 years, more really.
  • Mother Earth/Goddess has been LONG suffering, but is at the end of her rope/fuse.
  • Father/God/The Divine Masculine (and not the macho, manly, ugly American “patriot” style masculine – NOT that) is also very pissed and ready to dish out some discipline to the “kids” who have now grown older, more dangerous, and are misbehaving worse than ever.
  • The uptick in severe climate events is evidence of this, and they will continue to accelerate, beyond predictions, in frequency and severity.
  • Covid-19 is the new Biblical “Flood” – it is God/Goddess warning us that time is up for this ugly chapter of selfishness, arrogance, lack of compassion, disrespect of the Divine Feminine/Nature, greed, etc etc.
  • We are all being given PLENTY of warning, time to come to grips with our beliefs, ideals, morals, values, etc, before the REAL purification begins.
  • A much more deadly variant of covid will arise, most likely in America, because it is the country that most personifies the gross materialism that has poisoned life itself and the collective consciousness of humanity.
  • Several, in fact most, of the world’s spiritual traditions talk of a time of cleansing/purification, so it stands to reason that it isn’t just a Christian, Revelations thing – it’s Universal.
  • It isn’t, doesn’t have to be, as scary as it sounds. Several prophets have come to reassure us that those who had eyes to see and ears to hear would be ok – not that it will be easy, but nothing really worth having comes easy.
  • I could be wrong about most of this, but I think the first few points are inarguable, and I will provide some interesting tie-ins/synchronicities to support my other propositions.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time on the first few bullet points in this post. I think the news of the last month or 2 should be enough to show evidence of the climate stuff – 120F in Canada, floods in Germany, extreme drought in the western US – the climate is off the rails right now. In this post, I want to focus on Covid-19, what I think it is, some “clues” I’ve gotten that contribute to this intuition, and what it means for those of us who are made aware.

Let’s start here –

When covid first came into the news last year, I had already been thinking that something big was going to happen at any moment. Then, in March, just as things were starting to get serious here in the US, I came across a post on a forum I used to frequent (not going to mention the name, it has become a haven for Q conspiracy theorists and racists, really bad) to keep up with news that might not make the mainstream. I came across this post:

Whenever one says “COVID-19”, one is cursing everyone else with a Hebrew spell.
The Hebrew word “L’Kovid” means “(sacrifice) in honor of god”, to begin with.
The chapter 19 of Chabad “book of numbers” is about “god’s curses” concerning magic contaminations of people.
Now you know why MSM suddenly stopped saying “coronavirus” and started saying “covid 19” non-stop.
Websites and forums also stopped using the word “coronarivus” and replaced it with the hebrew spell.
Definitely NOT a coincidence, and “they” want this endemic to spread as far and as fast as possible.

Now there is definitely a flavor of conspiracy theory in that post that I don’t necessarily ascribe to. But as a student of Western Esotericism and the occult, the idea that they “happened” to choose for it could be so closely related to a Hebrew term that means “sacrifice in honor of God,” at least according to that post. Most magicians and occultists know the power of the spoken word, and even science is coming around to the power of sound and vibration. The idea that every time someone says the name of the virus they are intoning a Hebrew word with those connotations – intriguing to say the least.

When I say that covid is like the Biblical Flood, what I mean is that we are all being given PLENTY of advance warning about what it is (a deadly virus spread by aerosol transmission), what might come if we don’t take it seriously now (more deadly variants), and what exactly we need to do to ‘build our ark’ (stay safe). And what is that? What HUGE, Noah-like sacrifice do we need to make? Do we need to spend years building some kind of ark or structure? Do we need to give away all of our worldly possessions? Do we need to sacrifice our first born? No. We need to wear a little piece of cloth over our face. And maybe get a vaccine. That’s it. That’s the huge sacrifice we have to make. And yet many people make it sound like it really IS a huge sacrifice. People protest about it, people have even been killed over it. And why? Is it REALLY that horrible, honestly? I don’t think so.

I would argue that it is selfishness, arrogance, lack of compassion, false-ego, hubris, willful ignorance, etc – stuff like that that drives anti-maskers. If you are reading this and you are one yourself, then sorry to offend, but that’s what I believe. It’s just such a small inconvenience to help protect others around us, especially the vulnerable – the aged, the immune compromised, the children too young for vaccines. So I would argue that covid is the perfect test for how much actual compassion and empathy a person has. I don’t know one person who is compassionate and thoughtful that doesn’t wear a mask. Funny, that.

And let’s go further. In the Bible, people mocked Noah while he built the ark. They ridiculed him while they were out partying and having a great time, thinking he was just a worry wort and that the whole idea of the flood was overblown. Sound familiar? But he trusted that what God said was true, and he took the insults and mockery as he kept building his ark. Think of the people calling them “face diapers,” or people like Tucker Carlson saying that people should call the police if they see people making their kids wear masks. Again – sound familiar? It does to me.

We know that the virus has mutated. And while historically, when such a thing happens, a lot of times, the mutations are negative, they weaken the pathogen, and it loses its power. But for some strange reason, covid seems to have a special talent for selecting mutations that make it more virulent, more transmissible, etc. So far, we have lucked out (if you could call it that), and we haven’t seen one with a fatality rate like Ebola or something, or there would be many more millions dead. BUT – scientists have told us repeatedly that the more it spreads, the more it mutates, and the more likely it is for worse variants to arise. So it’s not out of the realm of possibility to think that one could surface that could kill FAR more people than the versions out there now.

So selfishness plays a BIG part in the continued spread, and thereby mutation of the virus. But so does that other trait the plagues humans so often – greed, love of money. The first world, developed, rich nations have plenty of vaccines for everyone, even though a lot of people in those nations refuse to take them. Meanwhile, there are many developing nations that don’t have enough vaccines, or the ones they do have are far inferior to the Pfizer, Moderna, etc ones that the rich nations have. So guess what’s going to happen in those nations that have been left to fend for themselves – you know, those “shithole countries” that the MAGAs would be happy to see everyone die in. The virus is going to spread and mutate more – and those variants will inevitably make their way back to developed nations, even those where the majority of people are vaccinated. And if those variants have higher vaccine escape properties – yeah, not good.

Now of course, masking still works very well for all this, even if not perfect. And interestingly enough, there is even an interesting symbolic/ritual tie-in to mask wearing as well. Now the person who made this video, I think she was trying to point out that wearing masks is part of some “satanic” initiation ritual, and something to be avoided. But I took it differently – I took it to mean that those who are ok wearing the masks are indeed being initiated into something, but not satanic. Watch this, and see what you think. In any case, wearing masks is associated with ritual initiation, and the video is interesting:

So I guess it should be clear now that I think covid could very well be the Biblical Flood of our generation, and we all have a chance, plenty of time, to ‘build our arks.’ Which, for me, means wearing a mask, getting vaccinated, praying, meditating, keeping my awareness high, being open to signs/synchronicities/symbols from Spirit to guide me, as well as cherishing the connections with those of like mind and spirit (you!).

And as if to just top all of this off, like the cherry on top of the covid-flood sundae, I find this while looking for that forum post this morning – something I had never seen before, but something that TOTALLY ties all this together: (from

“It strikes me as ironic that the coronavirus was given the name COVID-19 by the World Health Organization. Strangely, COVID bears the same consonants as Cavod or Kavod,כבוד, the ancient Hebrew word for glory, honor, or divine Presence. I’m reminded that in the Torah, Moses begs God: “Har’eni na et KVOD-echa! Please show me your glorious KVD Presence! Show me Your face!”

Did you know that in the Kabbalah, Kavod is a code word for Shechinah? She is Mother Nature, the Power of Creation, who is the 1 who receives from and fountains back to the 9other (masculine) faces of divinity. Therein lies the 19 of Kovid-19.

Wow! What if we understood KOVID-19 — this horrific virulent virus (our ancestors would surely call it a plague) — as Shechinah’s formidable face showing up today to admonish us, correct us, love us back into our rightful place as creatures, not masters, of this earth? Let’s ask: What can I do to put myself back in alignment with Heaven, with Mother Nature, with the Power that is Greater than us all?”

What if indeed. WOW… I came across that article *after* deciding I was going to write this post, and determining what it would be about.

So there it is, my big “prophecy.” Again, might not be anything really groundbreaking here, but I had to get it out. As I said above – if it all sounds hokey, is totally wrong, doesn’t come true, pisses you off because of the mask stuff – not to sound like an a-hole, but I honestly don’t care. I didn’t write this to gain friends, followers, or fame. In the words of Charlton Heston in “The Ten Commandments” –

What I did, I was compelled to do.

Please take care of yourself as you see fit. Many blessings to you, and thanks for reading this kookiness.

What’s really going on – continued

Part II – The antichrist and the Great Deception

I remember going to see the movie “The Man Who Saw Tomorrow” when I was a kid, and it scared the crap out of me. It was about the prophecies of Nostradamus, narrated by Orson Welles, and it really shook me up. Especially the last parts, about the antichrist(s) and the end of the world. Apparently, according the the interpreters, Nostradamus predicted there would be 3 “antichrists”: Napoleon, Hitler, and the last one, who was yet to come, and would bring on Armageddon. Now Napoleon seemed a little suspect to me, even as a kid. Hitler, that one seemed plausible, and according to the movie, Nostradamus used the word “Hister,” which is pretty darned close. The third one was predicted to “rise in the east” and would bring on the great battle of Armageddon, which would wipe out most life on earth. They gave a few other clues as to who they thought it might be in the movie, and it was fairly clear they suspected it would be someone from the Middle East, or maybe even China. And looking from the perspective of a Westerner, that IS where the antichrist would come from, right?

And so began a little hobby of trying to figure out who the antichrist would be, where he would come from. Had he already been born? Was he in Iran maybe? They were always doing “bad” stuff, being mean and calling us the “great Satan.” Or what about China? All those communists, intent on destroying all us God-fearing Christians in the U S and A. It’s a hobby that used to be really popular back in the 70’s and 80’s among many Christians, but strangely, seems to have waned quite a bit. I’m not sure if they just got tired of looking, figured it out and didn’t tell me, or just don’t care anymore (I’m betting on this last one), but the whole game of trying to figure out who the antichrist is or would be seems to have ended – and just when I figured it out!

Another concept that pervades Christianity is “the Great Deception.” There are different interpretations of it, but most of them revolve around someone or some group of people coming, proclaiming themselves to be Christ, when in reality, they are just the opposite, false “messiahs,” and it the devil would be orchestrating all of this. So there is another level to the game, which is keeping your eyes and ears peeled, and trying to figure out who the real messiah is among all the false ones that will come. So now it gets REALLY tough, because you have all these false prophets, you have the antichrist coming, and the devil pulling all the strings. Wow – that’s a lot to keep anyone guessing! And if at this point, you are starting to have a, “Waaiiitttt…..” moment, that’s good – that means you are seeing that the great deception IS the great deception. And the false prophets and the antichrist? Well, let’s just take a step back and look at it logically.

Christ gave 2, yes TWO commandments supposedly while he was here:

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” ~ Matthew 22: 37-40

Now it seems pretty clear therefore, that an antichrist would be someone who broke, nay, trashed, those two commandments, and encouraged everyone else too as well.

And a brief disclaimer here: when Jesus spoke of God in the Bible, it was NOT the god that most Christians pray to, at least not the fundamentalists ones. I think if Christ saw what Christianity had become, he would be appalled. No, the God Christ spoke of was Source – the One from which the Many came; the God that is the Spirit that interconnects and gives meaning to all Life – THAT God. And that God is not some guy in a white robe casting down judgements – that God is Energy, is Love. I digress a bit, but it’s important to make the point that the commandment fits all religions and spiritual traditions: Love the Creator, God, Goddess, Allah, Jehovah, the One, Source, Buddha nature, Mother Earth, whatever – with all your heart.

As hard as that first commandment is, especially in today’s day and age when people are so sick of the god that has brought so much war and misery to mankind that they are turning towards atheism in droves, that second commandment – THAT is a doozy, even for the best of us: to love our neighbor as ourselves. And to be certain, I’m pretty sure by “neighbor” Christ meant every single person we came into contact with. In today’s day and age, that could be extended globally, as we are aware of billions of ‘neighbors’ here on planet earth. And what about all the other living creatures – the plants, trees, birds, bees, dolphins, wolves, cows, insects – everything. Christ didn’t say “love other people” as yourself. He said neighbor. And even Mother Earth herself is a neighbor. So that is the commandment – to love literally everyone and everything as we love ourselves. Wow. THAT is a tough one. But that isn’t to say we can’t try, and to be sure, there are some people who have given some good examples through history of what that might look like.

Ok, ok, so I have waxed philosophic and been on my soapbox, but at this point, even I am asking myself, “Give it up dude! Who is the antichrist?” In one word, the antichrist is


That one word encapsulates who, what the antichrist is. It’s not any one person, it’s not some guy from Afghanistan, Iran, or China. It’s not even Donald Trump (though he certainly channels division and hatred for “others” quite well, an effective manifestation of those forces). The antichrist is an archetype, and it has been with humankind from the beginning. It is, quite simply, apathy: a total lack of caring for anyone, or anything, including – and ESPECIALLY – one’s self. Just think about how pervasive depression and self-loathing are, especially here in the west. It’s endemic, and I can’t think of anyone – anyone who actually cares about anything anyway – that hasn’t experienced some kind of deep depression in their lives. And if we hate ourselves, don’t love ourselves at all, then we are actually fulfilling that second commandment in a perverse way – we are (not) loving our neighbors as we (don’t) love ourselves. What better way for an antichrist to accomplish its mission? Make people hate themselves, and the commandment can be followed. We all ‘love’ each other as we ‘love’ ourselves.

And the same applies to God. It’s popular these days to rail against religion, to blame it for all of the problems in the world, especially the big 3 – Christianity, Judaism, and Islam – and honestly, I have been on that bandwagon too in my life. How many millions of people have been killed, are still being killed, in the name of “god”..? Way too many. So when someone is “commanded” to love God, they are like, “Hell no, I’m not loving that fantasy concept that has caused so much misery on this planet.” Add on to that the fact that you can’t PROVE that God exists, and you have a perfect recipe for throwing that first commandment right out the window. And the tendency of people to now worship science – and I LOVE science, btw – as a religion in its own right, has made it even more challenging for people to believe in a creator, especially those who do like it, because we are viewed as “naive,” foolish, or ignorant for believing in God. It’s either/or – either you believe in science or you believe in God – can’t do both and be taken seriously.

So where does that leave us? Well, I would say “mission accomplished” for ye olde antichrist, wouldn’t you? People filled with apathy, selfishness and self loathing certainly aren’t capable of, or even interested in loving any of their neighbors, outside of their own tribes. And love God? Only if you want to be seen as silly and ignorant, because no truly intelligent or rational person can believe in God. And what happens when you have a dynamic like that at play?

You get the 4 horsemen having a field day. You get a pandemic spreading around the world because a lot of people just don’t care enough to be bothered to wear a mask, it’s just “too much” to ask of them. And hey, if they haven’t gotten sick, it must be a hoax, or overblown. Never mind that 4 million people have died from covid – 4,000,000.

You get a climate changing so rapidly that even the biggest skeptics are getting a bit freaked out – fire burning in the sky, causing the high temperature in Canada – CANADA – to reach 121F. And why? Because most people just don’t care enough to make any real changes, especially if it doesn’t impact them directly. To be fair, more than the apathy of people, GREED of the money changers has caused climate change. I made a post on Twitter lately about that whole dynamic. There is a reason that the one time Christ got really pissed and violent in the Bible is when he tossed the money changers out of the temple.

You get inequality the likes of which has never been seen. People in some poor countries are literally dying to get vaccines, but their nations simply can’t afford it, while you have doses spoiling in rich nations like the US because some people simply don’t want them. And somehow, we think that we can just let those nations rot basically, and it won’t affect us, we will be ok.

I could go on, but I don’t think it’s necessary really. The antichrist is an archetype that, more than anything, wants us to hate ourselves. Because when we do that, the commandments can be fulfilled without any opposition. We are fulfilling the Law in a very sick way, following the commandments to a “t.” And the great deception is that each and every one of us has a bit of the antichrist in us – it is within us all to manifest, to bring forth either the Christ, or the opposite. And to bring that Christ forth, we need to do the hardest thing of all – we need to love ourselves. The old adage, “Physician, heal thyself” is more a plea than request at this point.

So before we can even begin the Great Work of loving all people, loving all beings, loving Mother Earth, we need to begin the GREATEST work, which is loving ourselves. Turns out, all those cheesy cliches about “you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself” aren’t so cheesy – they are true. And this is a deeper love than just self-help can provide. Because we have to connect with all the pain that humanity has caused – we have to acknowledge it, ask the spirits of those who have been harmed – human, animal, plant, etc – for forgiveness, forgive ourselves and our ancestors, and pledge to not do harm going forward. It is a process, a journey, and a path not many would wish to walk. But if we are to truly be what I believe we were created to be, our highest selves, the manifestation and the embodiment of Christ’s Love, it is the only journey that really matters. It is the Quest that leads to the Holy Grail, and I hope that you will join me on it. I am nowhere near reaching the goal, as is evidenced by plenty of my other posts – but I will strive onward, and hope others will as well. We may not be able to save everyone, but if we can save ourselves, that might just be enough. Peace and Blessings on your journey…

Another dark night of the soul –

Hopefully this one doesn’t last as long as some have. But this one is pretty brutal, and to be fair, I brought it on myself.

After the last few weeks of temperature records being shattered in Canada and the Pacific Northwest, forest fires, articles about megadrought in the West, I picked at the scab by watching some more in depth videos about the situation, and they were extremely depressing. And these are from credible sources, science-based – not conspiracy bullshit or anything like that. Here are just a few of the ones I watched:

Now it probably wasn’t the best idea to watch these when I was already feeling a bit down, but hiding from the brutal truth is a big part of what got us where we are now. And we knew this was coming. It’s not like news or anything. Because as much as the Republicans and their far-right, Fox News loving, Trump worshipping zombies try to deny that human induced climate change is occurring, it most certainly is – and it is ALREADY having devastating impacts – impacts that will only get worse as time goes on.

The thing, as the report highlighted in one of those videos makes abundantly clear, the wealthy elite will be the LEAST affected by climate change. Those responsible for most of the actual damage to the climate will suffer the least, while those in developing countries and other poor people who contributed little to it will suffer the most. Once again, the concept of fairness is brutalized, and once again, those who don’t really deserve to suffer any more, will. And those who ought to pay SOME kind of karmic debt for what they have done, or not done, will glide through life enjoyably.

Now I understand the whole spiritual side of the equation, the whole gather not treasures on earth but in heaven, and the idea that eventually, EVENTUALLY, those who have done so much harm will get their just dues. But every now and again, I have my doubts about that – I lose my faith, in God, in myself, and DEFINITELY in humanity. I wonder if I am just bullshitting myself, if all spiritual people aren’t, just to make ourselves feel better and keep from killing ourselves to escape this cruel, cruel world.

And to be sure, it is a very cruel world, especially for a sensitive person, which I have always been. I think back to the teasing and bullying I experienced as a child, and while one can say, “Yes, but they were just kids, they didn’t know any better” – why did I know better? Why did I and a lot of other kids NOT do that kind of stuff? And the bullying, teasing, and overall cruelty continues on in life, and is actually rewarded. I deal with it in my job now, and do you think anyone – even in the 15K employee corporation I work in – stands up to the bullies? No, because they produce great ROI, and that’s what matters. The others go into police work or similar professions where they can abuse people with relative impunity. Or maybe even Wall Street, or hedge funds, or lobbying – you know, professions where being brutal, uncaring, and not giving a shit about people, their feelings, their livelihoods – where that is REWARDED. That’s ‘Murica, that’s freedumb, that’s capitalism. Yay.

This world is just no place for a kind soul, for a sensitive person, for a caring human being. It eats people like us up and spits us out. Oh sure, there are plenty of good people out there doing good things, and God bless them all. And there are those who are stronger than I, that’s for sure. But for some of us, this shit just gets to be too much sometimes – just the brutal ignorance. It gets really old. I am trying to get my faith back, get some hope back, some little grain of optimism. But it’s really hard right now. When I go to someplace wearing a mask and get scornful looks from some people – like, really? Why the fuck do they even care? What is it doing to them? The stupidity, selfishness, cruelty, tribalism, willful ignorance – it’s just crippling sometimes. I thought when the Orange Messiah lost the election, we could be over that. But oh no, not at all. His grip remains strong as ever, and people still believe the lies and bullshit he peddles. Just sickening. And to be sure, there are people on the other side, the left, who are going too far that way. The whole political correctness movement has gone way too far, and sometimes, it’s impossible to even know what to say without offending someone. But I would rather err on the side of being too conscientious then just not giving a shit – telling people to “Deal with it!”

I probably won’t do a lot of public posting for a while. There aren’t many people who read this crap anyway, so it won’t be any big loss. I used to hope to gain some notoriety, or some kind of voice in the world. But this spiritual shit doesn’t “sell.” People don’t care, don’t want to hear what someone says about it – not someone like me anyway. It’s time to slink away to the shadows again, and leave the people to their world. I will just hang on to what little sanity or hope I have, until I can make it to the other side of this dark night.

Something in the air…

And not just UFOs.

I had an extremely hard time getting to sleep last night. I tossed and turned until well after midnight. I tried the things that often work for me and that I always recommend to others: practiced deep breathing, listened to some binaural meditation music, tried to meditate. But there was a very unsettled, almost chaotic energy around and in me it seemed. I finally drifted off sometime after 12:30am.

I have been experiencing some difficulties at work that have caused me to not like my job very much. Up until this last 6 months or so, I have loved it, and my boss loves me. But I have been working with an extremely difficult, unappreciative, and unreasonable internal client who has made me miserable. I actually dread signing on recently. After 3 hours of trying to work, I just couldn’t do it. I sent an email out to the team saying I wasn’t feeling well – and I was not – and I was taking a sick day. I am very blessed to be able to do so, and don’t take the opportunity for granted. I worked in blue collar jobs for many, many years, and know a lot of people don’t have this luxury.

I posted a little blurb about it on Twitter – not necessarily the work stuff, just about the general feeling of malaise. Nothing too in depth or anything. I was a bit stunned to see just how many other people are in that same exact place (maybe not about a job necessarily) as I – feeing tired, demoralized, a bit hopeless, deflated. And to be certain, it’s not just about the job. No, this feeling runs much deeper. There is just a general feeling of dissociation, which for me, is rather depressing. I like feeling ‘connected,’ and I just don’t today. From the many replies I got on Twitter, a lot of other people, at least among the little community I inhabit, aren’t either.

I will write more later – have to run to a doctor’s appt now with my pain management specialist. Just thought I would put this out there to capture the moment.